Showing posts with label Tiny Terrible Tale. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tiny Terrible Tale. Show all posts

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale #10: The Snoracle



The snoring man slept on a clear night, with many stars staring down at the campers gathered around the Shaman circle fire. At first, the five friends carried on carousing, not even aware of the snoring man. But as conversations waned, they couldn’t help but hear the snores.


“I wonder what it means,” said Ben.


“What what means?” Asked Bek.


“The snores. I’m curious… there’s got to be at least one religion where sleep is interpreted by someone other than the sleeper. Like, could there be a religion based on, say, snores?”


Just then, a loud rumbling snore emitted from the tent across the way.


“The snoring man says yes!” Ben exclaimed. They all laughed.


A guy from another circle wandered over to their fire. “Do any of you know where Shana’s camped?”


None of them knew Shana, but as they were about to tell him that when the snoring man made a noise that sounded like the word left.


“The snoracle has spoken! She is either camped on the left or she left.”


The guy’s cell phone beeped. He looked down and read a text. “Huh. Looks like she did leave. Some sort of emergency at home?” He waved and hurried off.


They all turned to Ben. He grinned and shrugged. “Coincidence?” Then with a mischievous look, he said, “or is it?”


They laughed.


Paul sat forward with rosy cheeks, his Scouser accent thick with alcohol. “Gonna rain?” He asked.


A light airy snore answered, “yeeeeeessssss.”


They all turned their faces to the sky that had been clear just seconds before and it poured only on them for five seconds then stopped,


“That was weird,” Jeanine murmured, sober and and somber from the dousing.


“I have a question,” Kelly hopped up excitedly, shaking water from her hair and body. “What is the answer?”


A long, drawn out snore that sounded like, “Forty-two.”


They laughed again.


At the same time, both Bek and Ben spoke.


Ben asked, “What is the question?”


At the same time Bek said, “When will we die?”


The snorer said, “that in minutes.”

Forty-two minutes later they were all dead.


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale #9: Ben Who Left and Almost Never Came Back

Dedicated to Ben and based on a true story... though completely fictional

"Come on, let's go!" Ben's friends called.

"Where are we going?" Ben asked as he caught up.

A sly smile touched the lips of his closest friend as they stepped nearer to one of the sacred circles. "We," he said, "are going to a wedding!"

"Oh, okay," said Ben. "Whose wedding?"

"Yours!" His friends sang in chorus as they arrive.

In the clearing was a dragon. She was 10 feet tall, orange and blue and scaled like a serpent. She winked at Ben. He squealed then fled. He could hear the flap of leathery wings and he ran faster. The trees to his left and right burst into flames. He pushed himself to run even faster. The air filled with smoke and ash flew into his eyes and nose and throat. He coughed, feeling his pace slow and his legs become wobbly. His vision blurred as his head felt like it was floating above him.

"Am I high?" He asked, sinking to the soft, inviting earth.

A warmth surrounded him as the dragon wrapped around his body.

"Yes," she said and held him tight.

So they got married.

Alas, Ben had eaten raw chicken on a shish kabob so he got salmonella and died.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale #8: Pizza Camping


"I wish we had pizza," she sighed.

"Me too!" Her friend squealed, bouncing in her slingback chair. "Pizza, pizza, pizza!" She chanted.

To their delight, pizza was delivered to the woods where they were camping.

"Ooooooo, neat!" Applauded the sighing girl. "I wish we had a swimming pool."

"Me too!" The friend echoed and bounced again. "Pool, pool, pool!"

In recorded history, it was the first monsoon to hit Indiana, drowning the entire campground.


Thursday, July 17, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale #7: MILK

"Whole milk is too thick," he spat, curling his lips & sticking out his tongue in disgust. 

"Skim?" She asked. 

"Might as well drink water." 

"Okay." So she poured the two together on his head.


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale #6: Library Fines


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"I'm here to take care of my fine." The man said in a very serious tone.
"Oh good," said the older library worker.
"'Bout time," smirked the other one.
"That'll be," the first one paused. "Twenty cents."
They all laughed as he dropped two dimes in the counter. He gave an exaggerated wipe to his forehead.
"Glad to have that off my conscience."
"Oh, I know!" Exclaimed the young smirker. "You don't want to let that build up! If you owe over five dollars, we send out the Library's Secret Mafia."
He laughed. "Good! I can stop running. Have a good day!"
They waved and wished him a good day too.
The older woman turned to the younger one. "Why would you say that? You know we never send out the Mafia before a fifty dollar infraction."

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale #5: Purple Tent

(This Tiny Terrible Tale is dedicated in its entirety to Claire Allysse Cecelia Dagmar Queen of the Fjords Liptrot. It is, in fact, NOT about her.)

She wants a purple tent; a purple, purple tent.
"There are no purple tents!" 
She pouted and cried and wailed and whined until someone came along, shoved her in her tent and poured ten tons of purple paint on it.
"There! You happy?"
From deep within the purple came a squeaky little, "No!"




Friday, June 27, 2014

The Forth Tiny Terrible Tale: Camping Culinary Masterpiece

dedicated to Burrito Dave, the Boy Scout & Lothlorien

"It is TIME," announced the Boy Scout as he rose from his camp chair with a gleam in his eye.

He crossed to the very swank camping kitchen and began. Using all his skills, he produced Crab Rangoon in the woods and the happy hippy campers cheered. Burrito Dave popped out of his tent and began making burritos. The campers cheered again.


"Oh, so it's a contest, eh?" The Boy Scout brandished his spatula.

Slowly turning his head, Burrito Dave flipped his knife into the air and caught it by the handle.

"Never bring a spatula to a knife fight, Scout!"

The sound of metal spatula bouncing off the sharp blade drew more curious campers to the clearing from all directions.The campers cheered the dual until Burrito Dave sliced the Boy Scout. Swiftly chopping him to bits, he tossed the bloody Scout into the burritos.

"Who's hungry?" He shouted, spinning to find the circle of camp chairs vacated.

(This is a work of fiction. It in no way represents the true nature of the relationship between Burrito Dave and the Boy Scout nor any events that took place at Lothlorien. No Boy Scouts were harmed in the making of this story.)


Saturday, June 7, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale #3: Baby Powers

"She's so good with babies!" Kelly's wife, Miranda said. "Every time she holds them, they fall asleep."
The exhausted Mom happily handed Kelly her screaming baby. True to what Miranda said, the baby fell right to sleep.
The Mom smiled. "Thank you."
Kelly nodded then broke the baby.
"Oh," said Miranda, "That happens sometimes."

*** No actual babies were harmed in this tale ***

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tale, take TWO: The Death of a Pen





"Stories left untold, words unwritten, yet here I lie at the bottom of a trashcan with ink still in my heart."


"Oh, do shut up!" Said the half eaten doughnut.


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Tiny Terrible Tales 1: Shark and Cow

Guest Staring: Bee and Zebra

Late one night while camping, Cow was sitting by the fire, meditating on the flames. Shark came up behind him.
"Whatcha doin'?" Shark asked.
"Meditating on the fire," said Cow.
"Cool." Said Shark and he ate him.
He then sat in Cows empty chair and meditated on the fire until Bee and Zebra showed up. Then, they ate him.

THE END

dedicated to Claire and Tracy